Tag: #smallsteps

By: Wendy Morris

After my divorce and everything I went through, I was left carrying insecurity, low self-worth, and an emptiness I couldn’t seem to shake — no matter how many people I surrounded myself with.

I searched for comfort in distractions, conversations, staying busy, and even in being there for everyone else. I looked for healing in places, people, attention, and temporary comfort, hoping something external could quiet the pain I was carrying internally. But at the end of the day, when everything got quiet, I still had to face the parts of myself that were hurting. The rejection, betrayal, confusion, and grief had left wounds deeper than anyone could see.

What I’ve learned is that brokenness does not always show up loudly. Sometimes it hides behind a smile, productivity, success, or being “strong” for everyone else. Sometimes you can look like you’re functioning while silently questioning your value.

I think one of the hardest parts after heartbreak is rebuilding the relationship you have with yourself. Learning that someone else’s inability to love you correctly does not determine your worth. Learning that being abandoned, lied to, or hurt does not make you unlovable.

For a long time, I struggled with trying to find validation and companionship in other people. I wanted to feel chosen, wanted, valued, and loved so badly that I kept looking for things outside of myself to fill what was broken within me. But it was always temporary. No matter who was around, no matter the attention, conversations, or companionship, I never truly felt whole.

Temporary companionship and temporary pleasures always eventually left me feeling emptier than before. At some point, I would always find myself feeling less than, overlooked, or questioning my worth all over again.

Healing forced me to slow down and really look inward. To stop trying to fill emotional emptiness with temporary things and start allowing God to heal the places in me I kept trying to avoid. Because the truth is, no person can fully heal wounds they didn’t create in the first place.

There were days I questioned everything about myself. Days I felt emotionally exhausted from carrying pain no one fully understood. Days I searched for reassurance from people instead of resting in God’s truth about me. But somewhere along the way, God slowly began restoring the parts of me that trauma tried to destroy. Not overnight. Not instantly. But little by little.

Bible Psalm 34:18 says:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

And honestly, I clung to that. Because there were moments I truly felt crushed in spirit.

God showed me over time that all I truly needed was Him. And honestly, one of the most healing things I ever did was finally start putting myself first in healthy ways. I started loving myself. Pouring into myself. Spending time with God. Protecting my peace. Working on my healing instead of running from it.

That is when something inside me started changing.

I began realizing I deserved more.

Not from a place of pride or believing I am better than anyone else, but from finally understanding the kind of love, loyalty, effort, and care I give to others. I know what I bring into relationships, and I also know now that I should not settle for anything less than what is healthy, honest, peaceful, and aligned with God.

My standards started rising, and honestly, I find them rising all the time the more I heal and grow.

I started realizing my worth was never tied to who stayed, who left, or who failed to see my value. My worth was always found in who God says I am.

Healing is not linear. Some days you feel strong. Other days old emotions resurface out of nowhere. But growth is learning not to unpack and live there anymore. It’s learning to give yourself grace while continuing to move forward.

Looking back now, I can see how God used even my pain to teach me discernment, boundaries, strength, and dependence on Him instead of people. The emptiness I once tried so hard to fill with external things slowly began being replaced with peace. Real peace.

Not because life suddenly became perfect, but because I finally understood that healing begins when you stop chasing validation from others and start believing what God already says about you.

Now, more than anything, I choose to chase Jesus. And if someday a man values that and is also chasing Jesus wholeheartedly too, then maybe that is exactly what I need. Not someone to complete me, because God has already been restoring that within me, but someone equally committed to growing, healing, loving well, and keeping God at the center.

Reflection Questions

• Have I been searching for validation in people instead of God?
• What areas of my life still need healing?
• Am I settling for temporary comfort because I’m afraid of being alone?
• What would it look like to truly believe my worth comes from God?
• How can I start pouring into myself in healthier ways?

Closing Prayer

God, thank You for staying with me even in the moments I felt broken, rejected, and lost. Thank You for slowly restoring the parts of me that pain tried to destroy. Help me continue healing in the areas where insecurity and emptiness still try to linger. Teach me to fully believe what You say about me instead of seeking validation from people. Give me discernment, peace, healthy boundaries, and the strength to never settle for less than what You desire for my life. Help me continue chasing You above everything else, trusting that what is meant for me will never require me to abandon myself or compromise my peace. Amen.

—Wendy

By Wendy Morris

My best and worst trait is having a big heart.

I’ve struggled with this for most of my life. I’m better than I used to be, but it’s still something I have to work on all the time. Because when you naturally love deeply, care deeply, and feel deeply, it can become very easy to overextend yourself for people who would never do the same for you.

People with big hearts often give the benefit of the doubt too many times. We make excuses for people. We try to understand their pain. We stay longer than we should. We forgive quickly. And sometimes we ignore our own discernment because we want to believe the best in people.

That kind of heart can be beautiful.

But if it’s not balanced with wisdom and boundaries, it can also become exhausting.

I think one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that having a good heart does not mean I have to continuously sacrifice my peace to prove I care. For a long time, I thought loving people meant always staying, always helping, always understanding, and always giving another chance.

But healing teaches you differently.

Healing teaches you that you can love people deeply and still choose distance. You can forgive someone and still recognize they are not healthy for your life. You can care about people without carrying the weight of their choices. And you can have compassion while still protecting your peace.

I used to think boundaries were harsh.

Now I see them as necessary.

Because not everyone deserves unlimited access to your heart.

Some people will take advantage of your kindness. Some people will drain you emotionally. Some people only show up when they need something. And some people will mistake your softness for weakness.

But having a big heart is not weakness.

In fact, I think it takes incredible strength to continue loving people after life has given you reasons not to. The key is learning discernment. Learning where your love is safe. Learning who truly values your presence and who only values what you provide for them emotionally.

The older I get and the closer I grow to God, the more I realize that protecting your peace is not selfish. It’s wisdom.

God never called us to become cold because we’ve been hurt. But He also never called us to pour endlessly into places that leave us empty, anxious, confused, or emotionally drained.

I still have a big heart.
I probably always will.

But now I pray for wisdom just as much as I pray for love.

Because a soft heart needs strong discernment.

Maybe that’s the balance God teaches us over time:
To stay loving without losing ourselves.
To stay kind without tolerating dysfunction.
To keep our hearts open while still guarding them wisely.

Scripture

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

Reflection Question

Have you been loving others in a healthy way, or have you been sacrificing your own peace trying to keep everyone else whole?

Closing Prayer

Lord, thank You for giving me a heart that loves deeply. Help me use that gift with wisdom and discernment. Teach me how to care for others without abandoning myself in the process. Show me where I need stronger boundaries and where I need greater wisdom. Protect my heart from bitterness, but also protect it from people and situations that disrupt the peace You placed within me. Help me love the way You intended — with grace, truth, and wisdom. In Jesus’ name, amen.

—Wendy