By: Wendy Morris
When I finally learned to be by myself and not feel the need to have someone in my life just because I was lonely, it released a stronghold from my life that I can’t even fully explain.
For so long, I thought companionship was the answer to the emptiness I felt. I searched for comfort in people, conversations, attention, and temporary connections — anything to avoid feeling alone. But loneliness will make you settle for things God never intended for you.
I had to learn that being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.
God began showing me that I was constantly trying to fill places in my heart that only He could heal. I wanted reassurance. Comfort. Validation. Companionship. And while none of those things are inherently wrong, they become dangerous when we depend on people more than we depend on God.
The moment I became okay sitting alone with God, healing, growing, and learning who I was outside of needing validation from others, something shifted inside of me. The fear of being alone started breaking. The desperation faded. The constant need for reassurance faded. And peace finally began taking its place.
I realized I wasn’t actually craving people as much as I was craving wholeness.
Galatians 5:1 says,
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
And John 8:36 says,
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
Sometimes the strongest chains are not visible addictions. Sometimes they are emotional dependencies, fear of loneliness, unhealthy attachments, and believing we need someone beside us to feel complete.
But God will sometimes allow seasons of solitude to heal what constant companionship was covering up.
At one point in my life, I could not imagine being alone. I thought silence meant emptiness. I thought if I wasn’t connected to someone emotionally, then something was missing in me. But healing taught me otherwise.
Healing taught me how to sit with myself.
To face my wounds.
To stop running from my pain.
To stop looking for temporary comfort to cover permanent issues.
To stop abandoning myself just to avoid loneliness.
And through that process, I began learning how to love myself the way Jesus does.
I couldn’t even love others the way Jesus does until I learned to love myself the way He does.
For years, I poured into everyone else while neglecting myself. I confused self-sacrifice with self-abandonment. I accepted less than I deserved because deep down I didn’t fully understand my value yet. But Jesus never called us to destroy ourselves trying to keep others comfortable.
Matthew 22:39 says,
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Psalms 139:14 says,
“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
The more time I spent with God, the more I realized His love restores identity. It restores dignity. It teaches you that you can love people deeply while still having wisdom, boundaries, and discernment.
Don’t get me wrong though — I’m tempted daily by the world. I won’t lie and pretend it isn’t hard. Some days my flesh is loud. Some days my emotions get the best of me. Some days loneliness tries to creep back in. Some days I struggle with wanting temporary comfort instead of waiting on what God has for me.
And some days, I fail.
But praise God for His grace and mercy.
I’m thankful I don’t have to stay stuck in my failures, shame, or weakness. Every single day is another opportunity to repent, realign my heart, and keep pressing toward Him. That is the beauty of God’s love — He corrects, restores, and keeps calling us closer instead of casting us away.
Lamentations 3:22-23 says,
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your
Reflection Questions:
- Am I seeking temporary comfort from people instead of true healing from God?
- What areas of my life reveal a fear of being alone?
- Have I confused loving others with abandoning myself?
- What strongholds or unhealthy attachments might God be trying to break in my life?
- Do I truly believe I am worthy of love because of who God says I am?
- In what ways have I grown emotionally, spiritually, or mentally over the last year?
- What does pressing toward God look like for me in this current season?
- Am I allowing shame from my failures to keep me stuck instead of receiving God’s grace and mercy?
- What boundaries do I need to create to protect my peace and healing?
- How can I intentionally spend more time with God instead of seeking validation from the world?
Grow in Grace 