Having a Big Heart Hurts

By Wendy Morris

My best and worst trait is having a big heart.

I’ve struggled with this for most of my life. I’m better than I used to be, but it’s still something I have to work on all the time. Because when you naturally love deeply, care deeply, and feel deeply, it can become very easy to overextend yourself for people who would never do the same for you.

People with big hearts often give the benefit of the doubt too many times. We make excuses for people. We try to understand their pain. We stay longer than we should. We forgive quickly. And sometimes we ignore our own discernment because we want to believe the best in people.

That kind of heart can be beautiful.

But if it’s not balanced with wisdom and boundaries, it can also become exhausting.

I think one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that having a good heart does not mean I have to continuously sacrifice my peace to prove I care. For a long time, I thought loving people meant always staying, always helping, always understanding, and always giving another chance.

But healing teaches you differently.

Healing teaches you that you can love people deeply and still choose distance. You can forgive someone and still recognize they are not healthy for your life. You can care about people without carrying the weight of their choices. And you can have compassion while still protecting your peace.

I used to think boundaries were harsh.

Now I see them as necessary.

Because not everyone deserves unlimited access to your heart.

Some people will take advantage of your kindness. Some people will drain you emotionally. Some people only show up when they need something. And some people will mistake your softness for weakness.

But having a big heart is not weakness.

In fact, I think it takes incredible strength to continue loving people after life has given you reasons not to. The key is learning discernment. Learning where your love is safe. Learning who truly values your presence and who only values what you provide for them emotionally.

The older I get and the closer I grow to God, the more I realize that protecting your peace is not selfish. It’s wisdom.

God never called us to become cold because we’ve been hurt. But He also never called us to pour endlessly into places that leave us empty, anxious, confused, or emotionally drained.

I still have a big heart.
I probably always will.

But now I pray for wisdom just as much as I pray for love.

Because a soft heart needs strong discernment.

Maybe that’s the balance God teaches us over time:
To stay loving without losing ourselves.
To stay kind without tolerating dysfunction.
To keep our hearts open while still guarding them wisely.

Scripture

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

Reflection Question

Have you been loving others in a healthy way, or have you been sacrificing your own peace trying to keep everyone else whole?

Closing Prayer

Lord, thank You for giving me a heart that loves deeply. Help me use that gift with wisdom and discernment. Teach me how to care for others without abandoning myself in the process. Show me where I need stronger boundaries and where I need greater wisdom. Protect my heart from bitterness, but also protect it from people and situations that disrupt the peace You placed within me. Help me love the way You intended — with grace, truth, and wisdom. In Jesus’ name, amen.

—Wendy